I’ve become very clear on something lately. That much of the damage and frustration that occurs in any relationship or situation in our lives comes from one thing: making ourselves smaller to fit into it.
Playing it small and safe in life and in relationships can be like a low-grade fever or a slow moving infection. You don’t really realize it’s happening until you actually go for a check up and discover it’s there. You’ve been puttering along just fine as is. But the damage is happening and something must be done before it gets serious.
If you’re holding back and dimming your light out of fear that you may be too bold, say or do the wrong thing, be rejected, or rock the boat, you’re shrinking yourself and your life, as well as denying the world – and yourself – your true, amazing light.
A few years ago in a past relationship, I totally did this. I would bite my tongue to avoid conflict, turn down opportunities that I thought he wouldn’t approve of and the worst of all: avoid taking risks and chances in my business because of fear that if I failed I would disappoint him. And none of this had anything to do with him. It was all my doing. In fact, it was so unfair to him because the person he wanted to be with was ME. Not a smaller version of me. Not the PG version of me. He didn’t want the lite version of me, he wanted the LIGHT version of me!
So, here’s the deal. You are good enough. You’re amazing, in fact. Your thoughts and dreams are valid. Stand by them daringly. The greatest change makers are the ones who aren’t afraid to ruffle a few feathers along their path. What you’re capable of if you free yourself to be the complete, uncensored you may blow your mind. This is also the path to your happiest, most peaceful self.
Forget the critics. Let go of the fear of screwing up – know that it’s part of making great things happen. Be willing to step out of your own way and take chances. Trust that the Uni-verse is there to support you.
The world and the people in your life are in great need of your light. You, in all your YOUness, is exactly why people will want to work with you, be in relationships with you, and support you. If you begin to play small, purposely downplay your dreams and desires and label yourself as “shrink to fit,” you’re not doing them – or you – any favors.
I believe what we all need to do is train ourselves to regularly check in with our inner voice to be sure we’re being true to our whole self and what we really, truly, deeply desire. Shrinking ourselves to fit into different situations can be a defense habit that comes to us automatically and can be a tough one to recognize and take charge of. It sure was for me. What I finally realized was that I was more concerned about the approval of others than I was about achieving my own dreams and desires.
The good news is that just like shifting any habit or pattern, by becoming conscious of the tendency to fall into the shrinking state of being, we can change the direction of our sails and head back to where the sun is shining.
Creating this shift may mean that some of the people and situations in our lives that are not in alignment with our best life and highest purpose fall away. That can be hard very at times. The key is to fully trust that what’s truly meant for you will remain, and that space will be created for the awesome.
By fully committing yourself to be your brightest, follow your dreams, and be your authentic, passionate self in every area of your life, you’ll naturally attract the relationships and opportunities that will lift you up, back you up, and empower you. Awesome doors will begin to fly open and invite you in. Life will flow with much more ease and clarity. This is the cycle of an authentic, powerful, joyful life.
Where in your life are you shrinking to fit? Playing small? Containing your voice? It’s time to set your full, beautiful, wild, dynamic self completely and totally free. Your soul and the world will be grateful.
Reprinted from The Daily Love